And what a diary it shall be...starring, in no particular order, most of the forum members and some others as well...
SATURDAY:
6:00: It's cold, dark, and threatening to rain. I pull up outside the Skydome at about the same time as Whiskey (B2P Steve) does-we're the first of the 100 or so Blaze fans there. So, naturally, we start having a kick-around-although when the ball ends up in the middle of Croft Rd with a taxi bearing down on it, the fun looks like its over before it's begun (it missed. Barely)
6:30: Most of the coach-travellers have now arrived, as has the second, or 'quiet' coach. The ball narrowly misses John's (Covblaze16's) head as the game starts getting a bit more serious, with tackles flying in and the coach windows in danger on at least two occasions.
6:45: We board the coaches, and swiftly find that on coach 1 (the 'noisy' one) we have a Peter Kay wannabe as one of the drivers, who not only uses the memorable phrase "whispers, not shouts" when describing what can go in the toilet but by the Sunday morning will have become a minor legend (more later)
7:00: And we're off! Breakfast is served...for at least one person anyway, who sets himself up with Crunchy Nut Cornflakes and a flask of chocolate-to bursts of laughter.
7:20. On the M6. The 'quiet' coach is ahead, but our driver suggests going down the M6 toll road. A collection is quickly organised, and we leave the other coach far behind...although someone still has to ask 'are we on the toll road then?' despite the complete lack of cars this early on a Saturday morning.
7:45: The Coach Drag-Race is in full swing, as the other coach edges up alongside, going precisely one mph faster. Despite pleadings from the majority on our coach, it edges ahead and then swings in, nearly taking our coaches front-end with it. We're stopping at Knutsford in 45 minutes.
8:30: Knutsford services-and out comes the football for another kick-around. The windows of the Travellodge behind the coach are threatened time and again, but somehow stay intact-unlike my Flyweight title as the gloves drop between me and Davey-he wins, cleanly.
We're back on the coach for 9.a.m, and keep heading north with Lock, Stock, and two Smoking Barrels on the video player
9:45. Passing Liverpool. A voice from down the front says 'watch your wheels'. No-one laughs...but there is laughter among the B2P at the trash-talking going on down the fron, most of which is far too rude to repeat here.
11:00. Second stop. Or not, as we decide to carry on past Tebay to the next services, much to the dismay of Craig's bladder.
11:30: Nowhere, Cumbria. A quiet service station is made much louder as the gloves drop again-this time resulting in two draws. Whiskey doesn't get involved, but it isn't through want of trying.
12:05. The Scottish border. The Scotland Weekend is now in session, and as the coach wakes up, things begin to get a little louder. The coach driver asks if we want some Snatch-the delight of the male travellers fades swiftly when we find out he's talking about the film on the video player.
1:00: The A74. We're caught in the traffic towards Scotland's rugby international, so pull off into the middle of nowhere. The first song of the weekend is 'Country Roads' in recognition of this fact. Having read 'Benched' in the space of an hour, I look up to find we're nearly in Edinburgh.
1:40: Pass the hotel we stayed in last time. Wonder if this one will be better.
2:15: Edinburgh Holiday Inn-we've arrived. Annaliese nearly goes through the emergency exit as the coach brakes-a sigh of disappointment goes down the coach
sotto voceas she clings on...
2:30: Another kick-around in the hotel car-park. A white van suffers as the ball bounces off the roof.
2:40: Check-in. Blaze fans are equally divided between the bar and the zoo. Since the goings-on in the bar are pretty predictable, we'll concentrate on the zoo...although some of us are lucky to make it after one almighty kick in the nether regions...
3:15: Myself, Frosty and Whiskey go to Edinburgh Zoo. The tone of humour is set as the first 'cage' contains two Californian sea-lions, joyfully enjoying each others bodies in the full view of anyone passing by, in a touching display of al-fresco sea-lion love.
3:30: We walk through a ring-tailed lemur's cage without realising until one leaps onto a rope over our heads, scaring the hell out of all three. Whiskey screams like a girl.
3:40: Two massive tortoises. Having sex. I'll leave you to consider this image...
3:55: Polar bears. Strangely, they're nowhere to be seen. Maybe it was too warm for them-even though the rain is now sheeting down.
4:00: Tigers. Two of them-causing much taking of photos and jokes of 'what a nice pair of pussies'
4:30: We return to the hotel, each with a fetching rubber snake in Dayglo colours round our necks-these become the mascots for the night in Fife.
4:35: We take two pounds from the quiz machine in the bar. Then break it.
5:00: Departure for Fife. Although King Rich and some others obviously think the time is optional, arriving some ten minutes after everyone else.
5:30: First run-through the Blaze repertoire. A new song-and-dance is born, as Staying Alive gets a re-working to become 'Wade Belak'
6:00. Arrival in Fife. The doors are still shut, so the bemused Fife fans are entertained by a full-voice run through every player's song, and a lively debate on how to pronouce 'Kirkcaldy'
7:15. Face-off.
7:25. Mark Morrison scores. Fife go one-nil up.
7:30: Karry Biette makes it two-nil. Referee Wilson is fast becoming unpopular.
7:55: End of the first period.
8:05: Start of the second. The Fife fans are loud, angry and given to bad language-one bloke behind us more than most Although he draws the line at 'bloody hell' despite having shouted 'f-ing c-sucker' thirty seconds earlier.
8:15: Dan Carlson and Kyle Horne have a minor disagreement-sparked by Horne swinging his stick at Dan's face.
8:16: Andre Payette wades in-although his cause is not helped by having the linesmen hold him off balance as Horne throws punches.
8:35: End of the second. It's looking bad...especially as Andre appears to have completely lost his head...
8:50: Start of the third...we're praying Blaze find a way back.
9:00: GOAL Blaze! Wade Belak finishes a melee round the net, and Saturday Night Fever attacks the Blaze fans. And Andre's found his head again, flattening Biette. The Flyers go quiet.
9:02: 2-2-Adam Calder-his song echoes off the roof.
9:05: 3-2: Calder again-the Angry Fife Fan has gone quiet, although the people around him haven't. 7 minutes to go.
9:13: Empty netter...Calder's hat-trick, and the chant goes up-'Two nil, and you c*cked it up!'-As the players skate round, Andre waves and asks us to be just a little louder...
9:14. Game over. Blaze 4, Flyers 2.
9:25. The chip-shop is packed-people are sharing bags just to be sure of finishing them.
9:35. Back to the hotel-with the singing in full-effect.
9:50: We hit the bar. In dribs and drabs...
10:30: The players arrive. All is well...
11:15. Calder, McNamara and Mihalik go to bed...
SUNDAY
0:15: Jenni (doggyinthewindow) informs Wade that pandas can do handstands...this 6'6, 250lb hockey player looks a little scared of the 4'11, 95 lb (soaking wet) girl...feat of the weekend so far.
0:30: Someone informs Thommo that the songsters are around-he requests a rendition, and gets it as every single player is serenaded with their own song. Andre is particularly pleased with his...
0:40: Line of the weekend-Craig comes out of the toilet, and proudly tells people that the first words he said to Wade were not 'Hi, how are you?' but 'F*** me, you p*** like a horse!' To which the reply is 'there's nothing better, is there?'
0:50: Andre leads the bar in a rendition of his song. Even the players join in-the grin on his face is a mile wide.
1:00: Jane gets a picture taken with Joel...more on this on the Sunday.
1:05: The Payette Song gets another airing, as Andre gets another drink.
1:15: Neal Martin and most of the other players go to bed. Joel Poirier and Doug Schueller, amongst others, are still smiling and looking like they're throughly enjoying the experience.
1:30: Andre is at the bar again, and stumbles slightly on a mis-placed step...he spins round confused as 'Eeyore' reverberates through the bar, before once again leading the crowd in song.
1:45: Whiskey is on the pull...
1:50: Dougie goes to bed...but not before making a few girls almost faint by blowing them a kiss goodnight.
1:55: Andre gets his last one. A burst of 'can't skate, can't fight' is heard before the culprit ducks out of sight quickly.
2:00: Andre decides he's finally had enough, and makes his way up the stairs.
2:01: Andre comes back down, to huge cheers, for one last airing of his song, then bows, and waves the crowd goodnight. For good this time.
2:15: Foolishly promise Jenni that I'll find a panda costume and do a hand-stand so she can see it happen, having first said I'll break into the zoo and make the real-life ones do hand-stands.
3:00: The crowd is thinning out, finally..
3:05: Up in Lee's room-Whiskey having disappeared with two girls, much to the surprise of those still awake. For some reason, we imitate the mating call of the flamingo out of the window...over and over again.
3:30: Head back towards my room...hammering down the corridor, I collide with Whiskey and send him flying with a split lip. He doesn't look too bothered though as he has two partially dressed girls trying to patch him up..
3:50 Bed-time. Finally...
4:05: ...except it isn't. There's a banging on the door, which I open half-asleep to find Andre looking for his room. I point him up a floor, take him up, and wish him good-night. Whiskey, meanwhile, is running naked down the corridor.
4:10: Lights out...although Whiskey snores like a beast.
End of part one...and what an eventful part it was...
Not fair